Massive

What's weighing on my mind

Homophones abound in English, but their prevalence is higher in other languages¹. Perhaps inspired by frequent pathology tests, my easily distracted mind has been unusually sensitive to words either directly or indirectly relating to my slowly increasing size. Once started the trail of association leads to all sorts of interesting topics.

From a physics point of view, mass describes the amount of matter in an object. It is an intrinsic property of the object itself, the sum of the mass of all its constituent subatomic particles. In 1687 Isaac Newton described mass in terms of an object's inertia, or resistance to a change in the state of its motion². The classical view was superseded in 1905 by a simple but profound result of Einstein's theory of special relativity, which states that mass and energy are fundamentally the same entity³ and can be converted from one to another. A more contemporary view of mass takes into account such esoteric notions as quantum chromodynamics, quarks, gluons, the Higgs field⁴ and the Strong Nuclear Force⁵. Even so, since the 1930s it has been known that most of the matter in the universe is mysteriously invisible, or ‘dark’⁶. Unfortunately most of my increased mass is highly visible, resistant to willing motion, and seems difficult to convert into energy. It's origin isn't that mysterious. Eat less, exercise more⁷.

There are other ways of thinking about the origin of mass⁸. The word mass is derived from the Greek word mâza, which referred to a barley cake or a lump of dough⁹. Words synonymous with mass have been used since ancient times to describe unusual growths in the human body, given the obvious physical characteristics of a tumour presenting as a lump of cells or tissue. The study of cancer (which is a curious zoomorphic word¹⁰), called oncology, is semantically derived from the Greek ónkos, also meaning mass or volume¹¹. By the mid 16th century the meaning of mass in English included “a large quantity, amount, or number” of something. Hopefully not metastases, implying a mass of masses.

Tumors form when abnormal cells accumulate and multiply. What’s the causal origin of my own cancerous mass? Intrahepatic cholangiocarcinoma is associated with several risk factors, none of which I exhibit, and no specific cause is known¹². It is often diagnosed when it's already quite advanced, complicating treatment options. One of the first signs of cancer of this type is unexplained weight loss, which for most people would otherwise be good news.

Ironically my body weight is doing the opposite, having increased by about 10% since initial diagnosis. Doctors like to use measures such as the Body Mass Index, or BMI, along with several others like blood pressure and cholesterol, as an indication of your risk of serious disease. These are routinely monitored in my case, often to calculate or give cause to adjust the medication dosage, although I feel at a disadvatage firstly because I am already fully “diseased up”, and secondly my treatment involves being pumped with about 3kg of fluids almost weekly. So not much chance of reversal. By the way, a high BMI value will see you labelled as overweight, but never underheight.

In physics, weight is the force acting on an object due to local gravity and therefore is distinct from mass, because weight varies from place to place. It was Isaac Newton again who identified that gravity is a universal attractive force that occurs between any two bodies having mass. His ground breaking law of universal gravitation states that the strength of this gravitational force is directly proportional to the product of the two objects’ masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between their centers¹³. Thus (according to physicists) the more massive I am, or the closer I stand to someone, the more attractive. The law impressively explains the simple apple falling from a tree, as much as the moon falling around the earth, and for some people the appeal of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson¹⁴. Once again Newton's law was superseded by Einstein's, this time with his 1915 theory of General Relativity¹⁵ that characterised gravity as fundamentally a geometric property of space and time. The postulated abundance of dark matter is mathematically necessary to reconcile General Relativity's predictions with astronomical observations. What is unseen can still have vast eternal significance.

The cause of my weight change is analogous to the increased gravity of my situation. Which brings me to another point: about heaviness, things weighing upon the mind or heart, the metaphorical but genuine psychological burden of negative feelings or stress, similar to carrying a physical load. We often refer to familiar, tangible, and concrete concepts to try to articulate the unfamiliar, invisible, or abstract¹⁶. This "emotional weight" can feel like it makes life harder, leading to exhaustion and an inability to confront the challenges of daily life. This can manifest as thoughts and worries that produce a general sense of defeat. I am no stranger to this type of illness which has at different times of my life been chronic. Surprisingly it is not right now.

Meanwhile I have no real choice but to wait, in readiness, ever watching for a lethal enemy within that is silently preparing to reattack at an unknown time. I do well to keep looking ahead. Thankfully I'm not alone¹⁷. “Ite, missa est”¹⁸.

If you know me, today's song is inevitable. I have proud memories of my family flash-mobbing this atop a cruise boat in Noosa several years ago, after learning it together on an extended road trip from Sydney. Singing is always a good way to take the heavy load off once in a while.

1. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0010027720302687

2. https://www1.grc.nasa.gov/beginners-guide-to-aeronautics/newtons-laws-of-motion/

3. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass%E2%80%93energy_equivalence

4. https://physics.aps.org/articles/v6/111

5. https://scitechdaily.com/the-strength-of-the-strong-force-accounting-for-99-of-the-ordinary-mass-in-the-universe/

6. https://science.nasa.gov/dark-matter/

7. https://youtu.be/0GGf_GlD2RY

8. https://www.saturdayeveningpost.com/2020/12/in-a-word-the-etymology-of-etymology/

9. https://www.etymonline.com/word/mass

10. https://acsjournals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/cncr.35428

11. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oncology#:~:text=The%20etymological%20origin%20of%20oncology,Cancerous%20tumor

12. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/cholangiocarcinoma/symptoms-causes/syc-20352408

13. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newton%27s_law_of_universal_gravitation

14. https://fandomwire.com/the-rock-real-weight-height-and-wrist-size-how-big-dwayne-johnson-really-is/

15. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/General_relativity

16. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4914497/

17. [1] Therefore, since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us, [2] keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame and has sat down at the right hand of God’s throne.

https://bible.com/bible/72/heb.12.1-2.HCSB

18. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ite,_missa_est